Monday, August 3, 2015

Hellblazer by John Smith issue #51

It's been a grand total of seven months since I last graced this blog with my undivided attention and my unrelenting presence. How could I have neglected John Constantine for so long? The answer, of course, was because I had an X-Men Diet in place as soon as January of this year hit, and I had no choice but to put my beautifully damaged paranormal sleuth aside in favor of my favorite mutant underdogs. However, I knew my sabbatical from Hellblazer should no longer be extended especially when you consider the fact that it was back in August 2014 when I began the first wave of my Hellblazer comics diet in the first place! So that means it's been officially a year since I read and reviewed a proper comics issue of this series! 

It's time to remedy that with this standalone issue written by John Smith and illustrated by Sean Phillips. There's honestly nothing that special about this story. The premise was so jarringly simple: John Constantine goes to the launderette to wash some clothes. How goddamn boring is this? However, because it's John Constantine we're talking about here, the reason as to why he was hanging around in a launderette in the first place is a notable excuse all on its own: an old friend of his paid him a visit last night. Apparently, this bloke was possessed not by one but by seventy fucking demons. There's no such thing as excessive demonic possession, I suppose, and John himself monologues that this guy Jerry is a known occult masochist. So, I guess that means Jerry got himself possessed for the purpose of getting off on it. 

Now, that would be disgusting and unusual all by itself but this guy also happens to be John's friend. And let's just say that most of John's friendships are often a macabre, co-dependent, fetishistic shitstorm of drama if nothing else.

Still, what does this have to do with John being in a launderette in the first place? Well, Constantine cheerily informs us readers that right after exorcising some demons out of poor Jerry, the bloody fool shat himself. Literally, he lost control of his bowels and smeared feces all over himself. John, seeing as he's been running out of chums lately, does the noble thing and offers to wash Jerry's pants for him. Because, friendship. So that's the entire amusing anecdote as to why John is in the launderette. Of course, he didn't publicly offer the "just here to wash me chum's knickers post-exorcism" story to the other people inside the shop, mind you, but he did get chat up by a couple of old ladies who were waiting for their friend. Said friend committed suicide and they were hoping for her apparition to appear by ten o'clock. Why ten o'clock, I don't know, but John gets panic attacks of all a sudden which wasn't helped by the fact that some anonymous caller talked to him just for the sake of reading him some twisted apocalyptic poetry. John is not having any of that anymore so he left just in time when they ghost makes her appearance and was welcomed by her patient friends inside the launderette. Outside, John pukes his guts out.

Just another night of weirdness for bloody John Constantine.

A hell of an issue to open my 2015 comics diet for Hellblazer too. I aim to reach at least eighty issues before August ends because I only have one month to do this. I also have to post my official season 1 review for NBC's Constantine which got cancelled and that really did piss me off because the show has gotten better after its mid-season finale. Not to mention the awful tragedy it was that actor Matt Ryan will no longer play the role he poignantly and perfectly embodied within the span of thirteen episodes! 

Let's talk more about how such good things came to an end next time!


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