Hellblazer by Eddie Campbell issue #86-88

I've been reviewing comic book issues long enough to encounter some really shitty material that I often just post one official review that collects all of these issues just so I could get over discussing it, and move on to better stuff. However, I'd also do this with some of the greatest issues whose badass storytelling demand to be summarized in one post. This time, the remaining three issues (#86-88) that comprise the story arc written by Eddie Campbell entitled Warped Notions belongs to the unfortunate former. I read the three issues in one sitting and I can swear up and down to all the gods in Olympus and Asgard that I DID NOT UNDERSTAND A DAMN THING. Usually, Hellblazer issues are formulaic; a supernatural case calls the attention of John Constantine, some fucked-up shit goes down, and John either finds some helpful insight about his current personal troubles, or learns to accept that human nature can be so vile and wicked, and he has to deal with it in the best way he could. Writers like Jamie Delano and Garth Ennis provided rich stories that follow this formula, and some of them often stray away from this too, and they are often the most riveting and satisfying of arcs.

Tragically, Eddie Campbell did not live to any of his predecessor's accomplishments based solely on what he had come up with Warped Notions. It's not even comparable to the lesser works of Delano and Ennis (Fear Machine and Damnation's Flame respectively annoyed the hell out of me). That being said, those two lesser works actually made sense because they were building up to something, and each installment at least had some moments to it that made them bearable enough to see through the end. Warped Notions did not have any of this at all, which was why I didn't want to waste three more separate posts about it because I frankly don't have much to say, if not anything at all. From what I can gather, even Campbell himself doesn't know what's going on with his plot twists. First there were apocalyptic whispers, an alliance with spirits, then reality-breaking curses that made urban legends come true, then something called an Everything Virus where rain forests could stop it from spreading, and then the spirit of Sir Francis Dashwood betrays John and the world and its creation because he made this magic circle--OH MY GOD JUST TALKING ABOUT THEM AGAIN IS MAKING ME IRRITABLE!!

Sean Phillips' illustrations were at least a treat. Because of Campbell's many locations (some of them I can't even name because at this point I just wanted to finish this pointless story), Phillips was able to draw different landscapes and an ensemble of irrelevant and/or soon-to-be-dead characters whom I can't even give a damn about. I really don't know anymore. This entire Warped Notions arc was a waste of my time. It was inconsistent, muddled with details that don't have any long-term pay-off in the end, and characters who weren't even developed. Worst of all, John Constantine was jerked around in several places both metaphorically and literally, and in the end he resolved the matter in the most underwhelming way possible. He did not shine for this story at all. He did not make me laugh with his witty quips. He did not make me feel a damn thing--AND THAT IS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT IN ITSELF because John Constantine always makes me feel things.

Hopefully, the official replacement Paul Jenkins who is taking over for the next issues would do better and make me forget about this whole ordeal. For now, I would advise anyone reading Hellblazer chronologically to avoid issues #85-88 altogether because it would have no kind of impact at all in how you would appreciate this series. That's how much of a non-event it was. These have to be the lowest rated issues I've ever reviewed in the blog. That's saying something.

NOT RECOMMENDED: 4/10

Hellblazer by Eddie Campbell issue #85

It's officially the nineties for Hellblazer, y'all! And we have a brand new writer on the black named Eddie Campbell who is now about to give us a riveting story arc that we're supposed to sink our teeth in. From what I understand, Campbell is only going to be present for this arc alone, and a more constant writer by the name of Paul Jenkins will take over, making that guy the official successor of the entire line-up. So let's tackle the story arc entitled Warped Notions.

The premise issue #85 features a cover that at first I thought was a callback to the previous Delano issue about Chas' grandchild whom John refused to hold. I thought this was a sort of wish fulfillment scenario or something--but I was mistaken IN THE MOST HORRIBLE WAY POSSIBLE. But before we touch upon that, let us talk about what happened in the premise. John was consulted by a friend of his whose uncle was being possessed by apocalyptic visions of the future. He tried to exorcise him but failed spectacularly because the uncle, Arthur Shinbone, died in his bed. John wasn't too eager to tell the family how he fucked that up, so it was fortunate that a bunch of dead people greeted him in the living room instead.  

These unwelcome guests are spirits, and the spokesperson of the triad is the historical Sir Francis Dashwood, one of the founders of the original Hellfire Club. The other two companions who are less willing to see John are Bona Dea (a handicapped woman missing her arms, legs and eyes, resembling the Venus de Milo statue) and Murnarr, a giant cat. Sir Francis Dashwood sought for John Constantine's help about some case which I instantly forgot once I started typing this review.

Now that sounds neglectful, I know, but I'm sure I'll make up for it in my next review when things start making more sense later on because for now I don't think either Sir Francis or John have a clue as to what they are about to face. However, they are going to Philadelphia to track down more supernatural activity that has something to do with their case at hand. It's something to do with mobs. Yeah. Mobs are a product of 'the delicate power of terror' as Sir Francis creatively put it. People will riot about anything for any reason. Ah, the poor, gullible masses indeed. 

All I can gather for now aside from that socio-political stuff is that urban legends are coming true. One of them is a half-dead rodent climbing up a man's anus to eat his internals. Another is a baby sewed up to become a drug mule. The issue ended with that happy note where a dog apprehended a mother and her babe in the airport because the baby is apparently full of drugs inside. So that's where the cover idea came from! How quaint. This is a very short review and I promise that tomorrow I will come up with something that actually expounds the plot and the characters included. For now, the premise issue was baffling in a lot of places yet I'm still interested to see what Campbell intends to do with the story as it develops.

RECOMMENDED: 7/10