Monday, August 11, 2014

Hellblazer by Jamie Delano issue #10

"Remember Newcastle--these two words touch me as precisely as a dentist's steel probing the exposed pulp of a molar nerve."

When the ninth issue ended, the continuation supposedly went on in Swamp Thing issue #37 which I decided to skip. This issue opened with a short summary of what transpired in there and I got a pretty good idea nevertheless (that, and I researched the actual content for that issue right after I finished reading this one). 

Amusingly enough, this title is named Sex and Death and the first few pages starts with John Constantine being expelled as a sperm, monologuing quite comfortably about it as if this occurrence is natural (the readers' confusion will beg to differ, however). As it turns out, Constantine is in the astral realm after he lent his physical form to Swamp Thing so said creature can mate with (and impregnate) girlfriend Abigail Arcane. Yes, that's what happened in Swamp Thing #37 as part of some elaborate plan I don't think is worth discussing in the context of Hellblazer. It's one of those crossover sidestories you don't need to bother yourself with since it doesn't actually affect anything concerning the Hellblazer series. 

So while Constantine is suspended in the astral plane, he decides to find out if his plan about stopping Zed's immaculate conception worked (if you read my review of the last issue, I revealed there that John and Zed had one last shag which was also strategic because John just had spontaneous demon blood transfusion from Nergal so if the recent intercourse with a mortal man won't do the trick, then the additional demonic fluid should, amirite?). There was no doubt in my mind that it would work so when an angel tries to copulate with Zed's vessel to fulfill the prophesy, he ends up rejecting her; and in such a murderous way at that (where the rest of the Resurrection Crusaders were punished heavily for their transgression of gifting the angel a tainted woman). So everyone in that short-lived religious cult (no one gave a shit about while reading) is dead and Nergal and his Damnation Army are in a festive mood with the heavenly carnage around them.

But Nergal found out about John and Swamp Thing's sordid arrangement and was very upset about that. From what I understand, his precious demon blood which he shared with John earlier on in the story was now being used by Swamp Thing for his own mating purposes. That's not cool, apparently. A chase after John via hellhounds ensued so our hero was forced to come back to his body--while Swamp Thing and his girl Abigail are still shagging. That was a humorous moment. Abigail was grossed out when she found out it was already Constantine who was thrusting inside her (which I could not wrap my head around, by the way. I know she loves Swamp Thing, given her immediate repulsion upon discovering that she was shagging John now all of a sudden--but if it was me, I'd bang John Constantine like it's my last meal before death penalty or something. But hey, that's just me. I've always had a thing for damaged goods, you see). BUT I DIGRESS.

After he comforts Abigail, Swamp Thing turns to John and leaves his friend an enigmatic message from Nergal: "Remember Newscastle," he says. The moment those words were uttered, a change has come over John Constantine and it's a dark thirst for venegance that has haunted him for a long time since those fateful events occurred. Personally, I got the chills and the excitement already once I saw these words written in the page. The next issue is the first issue of Hellblazer I ever read and it stayed with me. I'm definitely looking forward in discussing that issue. Be warned that my review won't be spoiler-free at all!


RECOMMENDED: 7/10

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